3:00 AM
It is approximately 3:00 AM when your brain starts to huddle by itself within the vast empty hall of your skull, having reached the long, dark, teatime of man. The feeling is not unlike wanting to get a blanket if only to make the world stop worlding. No matter the events the previous day, and the inevitable alienated labor within the next few hours, come 3:00 you will have any or all of these thoughts running, directionless, in your head:
1. Had you known you'd end up awake until 3:00 AM, you should've gotten that piece done instead of wasting your life on the internet for seven hours and now it's too late to get it done so you'll just have a glass of a two-star-reviewed wine, or maybe thirty-five, damn the hangover and resulting similar unproductivity later.
2. The face of a random stranger you met on the street, and how she looks like standing against the wall of that particular hospital, looking down at her phone, with her beautiful face and all its moles; or the face of that man you met at a pedestrian crossing in your hometown, which, inexplicably, made your brain go, "I wonder what it would be like to be married to that guy"; or the way your college professor's hands look.
3. The time you almost fell down the stairs because your slacks were wide and your pointy shoes got caught in the hem, and how you felt your mind go all gray and thick and slow and nothing.
4. The time you actually fell down because of the same reason, with all the people in the room watching, and you hearing your body make the final and literal noise, "Ka-blag."
4. How your internal organs, and how electrons flying through the cathedral spaces within an atom, and how everything else, really - look like.
5. Whether or not there is a ghost actively breakdancing right beside you, and you have no idea, and will never have an idea, so your imagination supplies you with countless clusterfucks of images from horror movies.
6. Cillian Murphy's performance in Sunshine, and his face when he says the line, "Kill him."
7. Where your father is, and whether or not you'd end up being like the person your father was, while having the horrible feeling that you already know the answer to that question.
8. All the lines that Sir Terry Pratchett wrote that made your soul shiver.
9. Why in all your elementary and high school days the only powerful things that stuck to your head were that the mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell, and SOHCAHTOA, although you no longer know what the hell trigonometry is for.
10. Whether or not there is someone in the world who's as brilliant as Hannibal Lecter and as driven as Kogami Shinya while being as beautiful as Tilda Swinton, and realizing immediately how absurd that will truly be.
11. How is it that you've reached your age while knowing nothing about life, or knowing enough about it to want to actually drink wine at 3:00 AM and make goddamned lists for no purpose whatsoever, while the cat meows at curtains faffling to the breeze of an electric fan.
1. Had you known you'd end up awake until 3:00 AM, you should've gotten that piece done instead of wasting your life on the internet for seven hours and now it's too late to get it done so you'll just have a glass of a two-star-reviewed wine, or maybe thirty-five, damn the hangover and resulting similar unproductivity later.
2. The face of a random stranger you met on the street, and how she looks like standing against the wall of that particular hospital, looking down at her phone, with her beautiful face and all its moles; or the face of that man you met at a pedestrian crossing in your hometown, which, inexplicably, made your brain go, "I wonder what it would be like to be married to that guy"; or the way your college professor's hands look.
3. The time you almost fell down the stairs because your slacks were wide and your pointy shoes got caught in the hem, and how you felt your mind go all gray and thick and slow and nothing.
4. The time you actually fell down because of the same reason, with all the people in the room watching, and you hearing your body make the final and literal noise, "Ka-blag."
4. How your internal organs, and how electrons flying through the cathedral spaces within an atom, and how everything else, really - look like.
5. Whether or not there is a ghost actively breakdancing right beside you, and you have no idea, and will never have an idea, so your imagination supplies you with countless clusterfucks of images from horror movies.
6. Cillian Murphy's performance in Sunshine, and his face when he says the line, "Kill him."
7. Where your father is, and whether or not you'd end up being like the person your father was, while having the horrible feeling that you already know the answer to that question.
8. All the lines that Sir Terry Pratchett wrote that made your soul shiver.
9. Why in all your elementary and high school days the only powerful things that stuck to your head were that the mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell, and SOHCAHTOA, although you no longer know what the hell trigonometry is for.
10. Whether or not there is someone in the world who's as brilliant as Hannibal Lecter and as driven as Kogami Shinya while being as beautiful as Tilda Swinton, and realizing immediately how absurd that will truly be.
11. How is it that you've reached your age while knowing nothing about life, or knowing enough about it to want to actually drink wine at 3:00 AM and make goddamned lists for no purpose whatsoever, while the cat meows at curtains faffling to the breeze of an electric fan.
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